


your words are a knife(but i know you're lying)

by walkinganarchy



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Lots of Angst, Post-TLJ, all aboard the pain train, chapter two is Rey's POV, don't worry though it will have a HEA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:34:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26955193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walkinganarchy/pseuds/walkinganarchy
Summary: "Where are you going?" His voice was small, afraid of what she was going to say."I'm going back." She says, wrapping her breastband around her chest. His stomach feels like a lead weight."Back? Already? You can stay longer, I want-""Stay?" She laughs humorlessly. "What did you think was gonna happen here, Kylo?"
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 18
Kudos: 33





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first Reylo fic! I wrote this on my phone in like, 2 days lol. Chapter 2 is finished and will be up in a few days. Hope you enjoy!

She was beautiful, was all he could think. As she trembled beneath him, coming down from her high. His own arms shook with the effort of holding himself up after the exertion of losing himself in her. Being with her was more than he could have ever imagined. Something he never even thought was possible.

When he'd asked her to meet him he hadn't been expecting her to agree. Months of connecting through the force bond had caused their relationship to grow into something more than just allies. He'd made his feelings clear. There was no way to hide them through the bond. But she was still guarded, letting him in but not going too far. Finally he cracked; begging to see her, touch her and _kiss her_ , in person.

He thought she'd been happy to see him. She kissed him deeply, pulling his hair and delving her tongue into his mouth. Dragging him to the bed and wrestled their clothes off. Moaning as he kissed every single part of her. Melting into his arms and sighing when they finally joined together, the force singing around them. But now, after- he's not so sure.

Her breathing evens as she opens her eyes and stares at him. God, she's beautiful. He lowers his face to kiss her, desperate for more contact even though every other part of their bodies were touching.

She turns her head at the last moment, staring off to the side blankly. His brow furrows, confusion etched on his face.

"Rey?"

She doesn't say anything, doesn't even look at him. Then she nimbly slides out from under him, off the bed, and starts gathering her clothes. He's left dumbfounded, sitting on the bed feeling suddenly self conscious at his nakedness. He pulls the sheet up to cover himself as he watches her slip on her underwear.

"Where are you going?" His voice was small, afraid of what she was going to say.

"I'm going back." She says, wrapping her breastband around her chest. His stomach feels like a lead weight.

"Back? Already? You can stay longer, I-"

"Stay?" She laughs humorlessly. "What did you think was gonna happen here, Kylo?"

Ben visibly flinches at the use of that name. She hasn't called him that since the force bond started. His mouth gapes open, trying to form words. "Well I... I just thought..."

"Thought what?" Her back was still turned, she was nearly dressed now. "We'd fuck and everything would be magically fixed? The war would suddenly end and we could be happy and in love?"

_Yes,_ he thinks.

"That's not how things work, Kylo." Her words were like a knife, cutting through his heart. She grabs her satchel, stuffing in the few items she'd brought with her.

"We just needed to get it out of our systems and we did. Now we can go back to being enemies and make this easier on ourselves." She still hasn't looked at him.

"Out of our-" His voice cracks and he swallows roughly. He couldn't believe this was happening. Not after what they'd just shared. Not after he held her in his arms as they came together. Not after she'd writhed and whispered his name, his _real_ name, as she came undone.

She reaches for the door knob, fumbling with the bolt and unlocking it with a _click_. The sound breaks him out of his mental spiral.

"Rey, wait!" His voice is desparate as he scrambles off the bed, his legs getting tangled in the sheet as he gracelessly flops onto the floor with a thud. He struggles to kick the sheets off as he stands, his nudity now at the back of his mind. He comes up behind her and plants his hand on the door by her head. Rey whips around to look at him, finally. She looks tired. She looks like she wants to be anywhere but here.

"What, Kylo?"

"Would you stop calling me that?" He snaps. The hurt was bubbling into anger now. She doesn't get to leave him, he thinks desperately. Not again.

"That's your name isn't it, _Kylo_?" She says tauntingly. Trying to get a reaction. "Everyone calls you that."

"Not you. You don't call me that!"

"That was my mistake." Her tone is cold.

"Wha-" He presses his trembling lips together, trying to speak past the lump in his throat. "What does that mean?"

"It means, that this was a mistake. I shouldn't have come here. I shouldn't have let you back in my head and-" She stops there as he steps closer to her, his other hand on the door now, caging her in.

"You're lying." He speaks through clenched teeth, like if he says it with enough force it'll be true. "I know what you felt when I touched you. I know how you feel now."

"You don't know anything. It meant nothing to me!" She turns back to open the door. To leave. He panics.

"You're a liar!" He grabs her bicep to stop her and she rips her arm away viciously.

"You're a monster." The venom in her voice is the same as it was the day she first said it. A stark difference to the gentle, almost reverant way she was saying his name not two hours before.

He jerks back from her like she's cleaved his face in two again. Though that hurt less than this. This feels like she's cracked his chest open and sliced his heart to pieces, leaving it smoldering on the ground. She barely spares him a glance before she's turning and racing out the door.

And just like in the forest, the throne room, on Crait.

She leaves him again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's POV and the aftermath

"You're a monster." She spits the words, the lie bitter in her mouth. She puts as much vitriol into her voice that she can muster. She knows if he pushes her much further she'll crack. Her resolve will be destroyed and she'll fall back into bed with him and never leave.

She doesn't want to look at him either but she's not as strong as she's trying to be. So she looks up, wholly unprepared for what she sees. His face is shattered. Eyes wide and wet, his chin trembling. Heartbreak and pain so clear on his face. She can feel the anguish rolling off of him in waves.

_Oh force, what has she done?_

When she can't take it any longer she whips around and yanks the door open, slamming it behind her before she runs down the hallway. Tears are blurring her vision as she tries to navigate the narrow stairway. She steadies herself against the wall, nearly making it to the bottom before collapsing on the steps. No longer able to keep her tears at bay, they course down her face as a sob rips through her chest, echoing in the empty stairwell.

_I'm so sorry_ , she thinks as she clutches her chest, feeling as though her heart is going to shatter into a million pieces.

She'd tried so hard to keep him out, keep her distance. She blocked him from her for so long, knowing if she didn't it would only end in hurt. She couldn't get attached, although deep down she knew it was already too late.

It was mentally draining, blocking their bond. And when she couldn't any longer she tried to remain indifferent to him. But he slipped through her walls. She told him things she'd never told anyone. No one knew her better than him. No one loved her like he did.

He never said it but she knew his feelings for her. He made no effort to hide them through the bond. He loved her and that terrified her. So she agreed to meet him; to tell him it was over, whatever this was. Thinking, hoping, that after this it would be easier after that. Easier to distance herself, to see him as her enemy.

She was so wrong. She knew it as soon as she stepped into that dingy hotel room, his face lighting up with a smile she'd only dreamed of seeing. Knew it when he touched her and kissed her. And after, the way he looked at her; like she was everything he ever wanted. She knew it the most then. So she did what she always does and ran. And she broke his heart.

And for what? To be the token Jedi figure for a failing rebellion who only needed her for what she could do? Kriff that.

Why can't she be happy and loved? Didn't she deserve that?

She's standing before she realizes it; racing back up the stairs, taking them two at a time before abruptly stopping in front of the door. She takes a shaky breath before reaching out to open it, steeling herself for what she might find inside. Only for it to be yanked open from the inside. He's standing there, frozen in shock, dressed only in black pants and a sweater thrown hastily on. His face tracked with tears. He's still barefoot. She can't breathe.

He was coming after her. After everything she had said to him, how she hurt him. He still wanted her.

_"Ben."_ Her voice cracks, everything she wants to say is shoved into that one word, hoping he'll understand.

He does.

It's like time starting again with how suddenly he moves. His hands dart out and clamp down on her waist, hauling her inside as he kicks the door closed. He wastes no time before his lips are on hers, kissing her senselessly, drinking her in like he's dying of thirst.

He pulls away for a moment, chest heaving. His hands gently slide up her waist before settling on her face, fingers slipping up the back of her head and into her hair. He's cradling her like she's something precious. It's too much. She squeezes her eyes shut, tears leaking through and dripping down her cheeks. She feels his thumbs slowly brush the drops away, followed by his lips. He kisses her tear-stained cheeks, then her forehead; her eyelids, her nose and finally her mouth. He leisurely moves his lips over hers, parting them as his tongue darts out. Her mouth opens instinctually and she meets his tongue with hers. She lets him lead her to the bed.

Unlike the first time, which was frantic and rushed; this time it's slow and languid. He takes his time undressing her, kissing every inch of skin as he uncovers it. Her body is hot and flushed as he settles over her. They move together as more tears drip down her face, though if they're his or hers she doesn't know. All she can here is his voice in her head over and over.

_I love you. I love you. I love you._

And after, when she's in his arms; when she's _staying_ , she says it too. And his face, _oh_ his face. She wants to burn it into her memory forever. His eyes shining with tears, his mouth breaking out into a dimpled smile that makes her heart ache. And as he pulls her back onto him, mouth meeting hers and love and adoration flowing off of him through the force, she knows.

This is where she's meant to belong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Kudos or comments are appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Leave kudos or a comment and let me know if you enjoyed it!


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